Clean, Friendly Jokes

Jason Spoor · Post by **Jason Spoor** » Fri Apr 13, 2007 5:33 am

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man
walking with his legs spread apart. One of the students said to his
friend: "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."

The other student says: "No, I don't think so.. The old man surely has
Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as we learned in class." Since they
couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one
of the students said to him:

"We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but
we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it
is?" The old man said: "I'll tell you, but first you must tell me what you
think."

One of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome."

The old man said: "You thought.... But you are wrong."

Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said: "You thought.......... but you are wrong".

So they asked him: "Well, what do you have?"

The old man said: "I thought it was GAS......... but I was wrong."

Jason Spoor · Post by **Jason Spoor** » Mon Apr 16, 2007 5:23 am

A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband, wearing a hat, to the photographer.

She asked the photographer if he could remove the hat from the picture.

He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head he parted his hair on.

"I forget," she said. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat."

Jason Spoor · Post by **Jason Spoor** » Tue Apr 17, 2007 5:24 am

Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her son's room, a mother finally laid down the law. Each item of clothing she had to pick up would cost her son 25 cents.

By the end of the week, he owed her $1.50. She received the money promptly, along with a 50-cent tip and a note that read:

"Thanks, Mom. Keep up the good work!"

Mike Nordin · Post by **Mike Nordin** » Tue Apr 17, 2007 7:09 am

good one

Jason Spoor · Post by **Jason Spoor** » Wed Apr 18, 2007 5:21 am

One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque of names that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque, he said quietly, "Good morning, son."

"Good morning pastor," replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.

"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque.

Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"

Jason Spoor · Post by **Jason Spoor** » Thu Apr 19, 2007 5:15 am

A little girl and a little boy were at day care. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play house?"

He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"

The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your thoughts."

"Communicate my thoughts?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means."

The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."

Jason Spoor · Post by **Jason Spoor** » Fri Apr 20, 2007 5:30 am

A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor.

"Is Fred home?" he asked the woman who answered the door.

"Sorry," the woman replied. "Fred's gone for cotton."

The next day the collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?"

"No, sir," she said, "I'm afraid Fred has gone for cotton."

When he returned the third day he sarcastically said, "I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again,?"

"No," the woman answered solemnly, "Fred died yesterday."

Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and investigate the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone, with this inscription: ... "Gone, But Not for Cotton."

Matt Morgan · Post by **Matt Morgan** » Fri Apr 20, 2007 8:54 pm

Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who hung himself?

Jason Spoor · Post by **Jason Spoor** » Mon Apr 23, 2007 5:10 am

Paul got a part time job at the Post Office. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail. Paul separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. Extremely pleased by this, the supervisor approached Paul at the end of his first day. "I just want you to know," the supervisor said, "that I'm very pleased with the job you did today. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had."

"Thank you, Sir" said Paul, beaming, "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better."

"Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?"

Paul replied, "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses."

Jason Spoor · Post by **Jason Spoor** » Tue Apr 24, 2007 5:17 am

Because of an ear infection, Little Johnny, had to go to the pediatrician. The doctor directed his comments and questions to Little Johnny in a professional manner. When he asked Little Johnny, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Little Johnny nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to Little Johnny's mother. She tucked it into her purse without looking at it.

As the pharmacist filled the order, he remarked on the unusual food- drug interaction Little Johnny must have. Little Johnny's mother looked puzzled until he showed her the label on the bottle. As per the doctor's instructions, it read, "Do not take with broccoli."

Jason Spoor · Post by **Jason Spoor** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 5:21 am

One day George Bush was out jogging -- and accidentally fell from a bridge into a very cold river.

Three boys, playing along the river, saw the accident. Without a second thought, they jumped in the water and dragged the wet president out of the river.

After cleaning up he said, "Boys, you saved the President of the United States today. You deserve a reward. You name it, I'll give it to you."

The first boy said, "Please, I'd like a ticket to Disneyland!"

"I'll personally hand it to you," said Mr. Bush.

"I'd like a pair of Nike Air Turbos," the second boy said.

"I'll buy them myself and give them to you," said the President.

"And I'd like a wheelchair with a stereo in it," said the third boy.

"I'll personally ... wait a second, son, you don't need a wheelchair!"

"No, but I will when my father finds out who I saved from drowning."

Mike Nordin · Post by **Mike Nordin** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 8:03 am

Ooooo, Dangerous...Keep it comming.

Chris Christopherson · Wed Apr 25, 2007 11:04 am

Thought I would throw a quick one in for all.

Why is it so hard to solve a Redneck murder case?

Cause no one has any teeth and the DNA is all the same !!

Got this one from a co-worker who almost drove off the street while hearing it on the radio the other day.

Have a great day everyone !!

Mike Nordin · Post by **Mike Nordin** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 11:10 am

Good One, Kissyfur! Man It's good to have you on here now!

Jason Spoor · Post by **Jason Spoor** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:19 am

President Bush is out jogging, and he encounters a man with some puppies. Bush asks the man what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, "They're Republican puppies, Mr. President."

Bush thinks that is so great that the next day he brings the first lady to see these puppies for herself. He asks the man to tell Laura what kind of puppies they are. The man responds, "They're Democratic puppies."

The president looks puzzled and says, "Yesterday, you told me they were Republican puppies."

The man smiles and says, "Yesterday, they were, today they have their eyes open!"

Jason Spoor · Post by **Jason Spoor** » Fri Apr 27, 2007 5:33 am

Jason Spoor wrote:President Bush is out jogging, and he encounters a man with some puppies. Bush asks the man what kind of puppies they are, and the man responds, "They're Republican puppies, Mr. President."

Bush thinks that is so great that the next day he brings the first lady to see these puppies for herself. He asks the man to tell Laura what kind of puppies they are. The man responds, "They're Democratic puppies."

The president looks puzzled and says, "Yesterday, you told me they were Republican puppies."

The man smiles and says, "Yesterday, they were, today they have their eyes open!"

President Bush decides to buy one of the puppies as a present for The First Lady. He sneaks the puppy under his coat into the White House and he's walking down one of the halls when he comes upon Dick Chaney. Bush can't hold back and shares his surprise with the Vice President.

"Look what I got for Laura!" exclaims Bush, holding up the puppy.

Dick Chaney stares for a moment, then his eyes brighten up as he says, "Nice trade, sir!"

Jason Spoor · Post by **Jason Spoor** » Sun Apr 29, 2007 10:09 am

Q: What do a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce have in common?

A: Someone is going to lose a trailer.

Jason Spoor · Post by **Jason Spoor** » Mon Apr 30, 2007 5:18 am

The two ladies were sitting in the living room, waiting for their hostess, who was slightly delayed. The daughter of the family was with them, on the theory that she would keep the visitors occupied during the wait.

The child was about six years old, snub nosed, freckled, buck-toothed and bespectacled. She maintained a deep silence and the two ladies peered doubtfully at her.

Finally, one of them muttered to the other, "Not very p-r-e-t-t-y, I fear," carefully spelling the key word.

Whereupon the child piped up, "But awfully s-m-a-r-t!"

Jason Spoor · Post by **Jason Spoor** » Tue May 01, 2007 5:22 am

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.

Jason Spoor · Post by **Jason Spoor** » Wed May 02, 2007 5:17 am

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."

The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the priest.

The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest. The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."

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Clean, Friendly Jokes

Here's one for all the Redneckers